AmazonCraft
by angel the angelic demon
Summary: a regular dude gets sucked into the Minecraft universe, but what's this, i'ts different. all the laws of broken physics are there, but when did creepers look so hot, and why are the enders crying women? OCxHarem of monsters
1. Chapter 1

AmazonCraft: He who would dare mine

Chapter 1: How the hell is this happening?

There once was a man. Not anything out of the ordinary, in fact, he was only ordinary. He worked a nine to five for 6 years, now 24, he waste his free time learning to cook and repairing his crappy house (which seems to fall apart at every sneeze and fart). His name was the only odd thing about him. He was named Zyssyks O'Neil Ferriday., partially because his mother loved the way it sounded, and partially because his dick of a father thought is sounded funny. His only habits were learning how to do new things and sleeping, which he didn't get enough of because his boring, dumbass sister kept waking him to clean the house or get laid. He honestly hadn't had sex in 4 years, and the frustration was building. It's not that he didn't want sex, but he was a bit old fashioned, believing that there had to be a connection before you had intercourse with anyone.

His last lay was his girlfriend, Jenny Garcia, who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, his first time was with her those four years ago. Then he found out she was cheating on him with the one man on the planet he couldn't stand, his dad. He told his mom, and got her out of the state for a few weeks, when he went to confront him. The bastard actually admitted to doing it, not caring if his wife had ever seen him or not, saying he banged tons of bitches like his girlfriend whenever he wanted to, and no one would do a damn thing about it. He didn't walk out of the house, he crawled. Zyssyks had broken both of his legs, knocked nearly every tooth out of his jaw, and crushed his testicles into paste, called 911, and told him if he ever saw him again, he would hang him by his large intestine.

Next he went to his girlfriend, and confronted her. At first, she denied it, saying how much she loved him and how she would never betray his trust, and for a second, he wanted to believe her, that it was someone else on that video his friend Emmanuel had shown him. Then that moment was squashed when he remembered the tape, remembered how there was no mistaking her voice, the way she arched her back, the way she begged Him for more. He was back in the present, and before he knew what he was saying, he had broken up with her. He had told her how he had purchased this nice little house in the city, it was a fixer upper, but a house he owned, and how he had gotten an engagement ring, with the biggest diamond he had ever seen from this old lady whose husband had died, and she was too old to remarry and how if it had been any other person she had slept with, he probably could have forgiven her, maybe, but she had slept with HIM! He showed her the ring, in his green trench coat pocket, he was going to propose next week on their 3 year anniversary of being together, and her eyes bulged at the two carat diamond embedded in the 14k gold band. He left soon after that, leaving her crying in his wake, sure she had just made the biggest mistake she could ever make.

He shut down after that, he never heard from the bastard formally known as his father ever again, he moved his mother back into her house, after she divorced Him and took everything. He was currently boarding his sister since she had nowhere to go after she stole from mom to feed her alcohol addiction. He took her in, and hid all the valuables he owned. Kept her on the straight and narrow, she slips sometimes, but she tries, and that's good enough. She's still a bitch though, it's her base personality, he can't change that, and he wouldn't want to. Zyssyks loved his sister, and nothing could change that, especially after what their fa- HE had done to her. HE literally forced the alcohol down her throat to make her easier to-to rape. HE liked them young. And she was just too convenient for the Limp Dicked Fucker to pass up. It took a year after the divorce for her to tell Zyssyks about it, and even then, she was drunk off her ass, because she kept having nightmares about it. He stayed with her that night, and the next day she moved in with him. She still complains about everything, but he know it's cause she doesn't have any other way to be. She was 14 when he started, and 17 when he ended. He wishes he had killed Him, and castrated him as an afterthought.

The pressure was starting to get to him though. He refused to beat off more than once a week. He didn't want blue balls after all, but he felt he wasn't doing it for the feeling, but the practicality of it. All this was beside the point, because this isn't where the story starts. It actually starts at work.

**Home Depot (Zyssyks POV )**

"_Clean up on isle 12"_

The intercom rings over the voices of the customers and reaches my ears, time to get to work. I push my mop cart over to isle twelve, paint. I'm gonna need more water, but I don't care now. Just need to get up most of it, before it settles. As I'm running, I catch the eye of a customer, a twitchy fellow, with a look of unstability in his eyes. I stop to ask him if he needs help, and he grabs me, his fingernails digging into the exposed skin of my upper arm.

"You, you will do nicccccely." The stranger hisses, his voice stuck between breaking and not being there. "You ssssee, I need a bit of help, I'm looking for a sssstrapping young man to help me. Are you up to the challenge?"

"Uhhm, suuure" I wouldn't be stepping into any vans with the creepy old man, but as it was my job to help him, and I could get fired not doing so, I suck up my feeling that this guy is bad news, and play along, heck, he just probably needs directions to the bathroom.

"Good, good, you have given consssent. Prepare for the journey, boy, you are in for the ride of your life."

"OK sir, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling security." He was seriously freaking me out. And I could swear his skin was green.

"Oh they called Ger- knokil of the creeper clan mad, sssaid he was off his rocker, but I became the portal, I found the land of heroesss, and I will sssend one to them, our world will be sssaved yet if I have anything to sssay about it. Beware boy, this will hurt."

Was no one going to help me? I look around, and it seems that no one was here, only me and the definitely green old man. "What are you doing? Let go! I try to pull away, but the old guy has the grip of a T-Rex jaw. His green skin starts to bubble, and he speaks one more time.

Remember to tell them boy, that Ger- knokil sssent you. And if you sssee my granddaughter Aisssha-knokil, tell her I love her"

And the old man exploded. His body scattering as a portal opens where he once stood, pulling me towards it, I try to fight the pull, but it is of no use. Soon I am off my feet, and flying through an empty, rainbow colored space.


	2. Chapter 2: Something's not right… Oh yea

AmazonCraft

Chapter 2: Something's not right… Oh yeah, it's physics,( a Bioshock parody chapter)

I been skydiving once. The wind in my hair, the resistance pushing me up, the twirling and spinning, and the parachute, oh the wondrous parachute. This only had the twirling and spinning part. There was no resistance as far as I could tell in rainbow space (what I decided to call it) and I sure as hell didn't have a parachute. I have no idea how long I've been here, could have been a month, could have been a minute, I was not only disorientated, but really bad at getting time and dates right. Up and down no longer mattered because I couldn't feel them, what I would assume it would feel like to hang out in space, no gravity, so no orientation, I would assume I'm falling down, but considering that the way I got into this predicament is that a person exploded opening a rift in space, I keep my options open.

I'm in a coma and dreaming an endless dream

That creepy old man hit me with a hallucinogen and I'm tripping hard

I've been blown into the very fabric of reality and will be stuck here till I die, which may not happen because there may be no time in this plane of existence

I didn't wake up this morning and am still dreaming and will wake up to my sister saying she had a nightmare and if she could sleep in my bed.

Because of all the things that have happened to me, I finally snapped and am in a nice padded room listening to Barney songs on repeat.

Any of these could be true, and I don't quite like any of those options.

" Are you reading me kid?!" I jump, a voice from everywhere and nowhere, booming from the not-there walls and in my head. " Look, I don't have much time, you'll be exiting soon, and I can't control where you'll land, at most, I can put you over water, but it'll take all I have, I won't be able to get you when you land, you'll have to make your way to me, I've already downloaded the basics into your subconscious, you may just make it here alive."

"Wait, Who are you, Where am I, What the heck was that person at the store!?"

"I promise I'll answer all your questions, but you have to reach me first, now QUIET! I don't have much time, on the land next to you there'll be a chest, take what's inside, it could save your life. Unfortunately, you're coming in too hot, it'll be night time when you reach here. That is bad. You're deep in creeper territory, and they are highly territorial. When you land, swim to shore, take what's in the chest, take the chest itself, and book it to my location, you'll know it, it's already in your head. You're falling out now, remember what I said, and may Notch see you through."

And suddenly, the rainbows ended. I was still falling, but I was falling toward water, which was good, except that hitting water at 15 miles an hour from 2 stories high does not feel like marshmallows and butterflies, let me tell ya. That unfortunately rules out the possibility of this being a dream, rule number one of dreams is that it doesn't hurt, cause it's all in your head.

I surface, sputtering and coughing up the half of the lake I've swallowed upon landing, and look around. Voices in my head could mean I'm crazy, so I keep that option open, and look for this chest that's meant to be here. Lo and behold it's there, a few feet into the island I'm looking at, and taking a moment to thank the voice in my head and swim, I look inside. Normally I would feel apprehensive about searching someone else's stuff, but I'm still holding out for number two on my list of things wrong with me.

Inside the chest are a few things you might find in a survival kit, a few torches, 3 apples, a bow, about 20 arrows, an axe and a shovel. I look at it all thinking how the hell am I gonna hold it all, and the voice returns, but it sounds different, like on auto.

"The belt is now magik, larger than it was before, it will hold."

I'm skeptical, but hey, my acid trip, my rules I guess. I take the arrows and stuff them into my home depot belt not at all thinking this will work, and utterly gob smacked when they disappear from my hands. Hoping I didn't just lose them forever, I hear the voice again.

"Would you kindly think the word inventory, your mind is your greatest asset here, and it will assist you in this endeavor. "

Having not steered me wrong just yet, I think _'inventory'_ and life stops, I can't move, but I can see a picture of a grid, in which are 28 arrows, a roll of duct tape, a tape measure, a space pen and a permanent marker.

"Would you kindly apply to your hand, and access it more readily?"

Still my crazy talking, so I try doing what the voice says, some of the boxes are cordoned off, so I start with those, and put my duct tape in the first slot. I think '_exit'_ hoping it will help me get out of the bizarre situation, and it does, the grid leaving and me holding duct tape.

I stare at the tape for a second when on reflex, I twitch my hand and it disappears. I have, for the record, officially stop being amazed and am a proper numb disbelief. Taking the rest of the items and arranging them as I see fit, I try to take the chest, but the thing has to be solid oak, I can only slightly budge it, and I use the word slightly a little too generously.

"Would you kindly hit it with the axe, and hurry, you haven't much time before a patrol arrives."

And I do just that, I guess I'm meant to destroy it, but I thought the voice said take it with me? Oh well, after a few swings, the thing looks ready to fall apart, and with one last heft, it… I honestly don't know. I guess the closest I could come to an explanation is that I shrunk down and was absorbed into me? Man, whatever that old guy used on me, I definitely need to tell my sister never to take it, this stuff is much too potent.

And with that, I turn and walk away, determined to get some answers, or at the very least, an antidote for whatever the hell I'm tripping on.

And I stop completely, not just my body, my thoughts, my blood, all that I am stops as I gaze upon what shouldn't be true, what can't be true, because i am starring at a… a… a

I'm starring at a fucking Centaur!

Large and half human and half horse and large, so very large. I must have been horrifyingly horrible to puppies in a previous life to deserve whatever the fuck is happening to me. Maybe if I hold absolutely still, and don't move, It'll go aw- it looked directly at me, and it's walking over, and pulling out a blow dart gun, a putting it in her mouth and I should be running, shouldn't I ?

Before I could move, from 20 meters away, a shot is fired from the creatures lips, and wizzes past my face, missing me by scant millimeters. Taking this as my Queue to run like hell's on my heels, I bolt to my right. I don't make it two steps before the concussive force smacks my lie a Bangkok pimp and throws me from my feet. I look behind me and see a large section of ground missing and a tree half fallen,… no wait, half missing. The bottom half is gone, but a good bit of the top half and the leaves are just … there. Floating as if it shouldn't fall, as if gravity is on vacation.

Maybe number 5 is a more viable option than number 2. From what I've heard, you're meant to be only half conscious in a drug trip, and never remember details, a horse man shooting exploding darts at you that somehow manage to piss in the face of gravity like a bad R Kelly reference is definitely cause to believe my perception of life and reality are slipping through my fingers, like so many grains of sand.

It takes me a second to realize that the Centaur is getting bigger, it takes two to realize that means it is getting closer, it takes another one to get over the shock that now that I could see the full form of the beast as it gains ground on me, that it is indeed not a horse man, but a horse woman, as I notice by clearly feminine features and rather (ahem) large assets to her frame, large, oh so very large. And still the creature moves closer, and I'm stunned into inactivity. What do I do, do I try reasoning with it, do I make a run for it, do I dare attack something near twice my height and four times my muscle build? Running would be useless, I'm pretty sure I can't outrun a horse, and I'm more than sure I would never be able to kill anything, so I'm down to my last option, talking. The hybrid moves toward me, a grace about its gait as it hisses at me, and suddenly, my last options seems like last words spoken for no one to hear.

"Please, I mean you no harm, I am lost, could you point me to the nearest shelt-" another dart is fired, this time at my feet. I have but half a second to look into her eyes, eyes full of loathing and hate before I realize that I'm going to die. The explosion wasn't as powerful as I thought it would be, unfortunately, it was stronger. I've never was one of those children who wanted to fly without wings, and I didn't grow into an adult who wanted to do such either, but despite my reservations, I must say it is quite enjoyable, you know, until Newton's law of motion comes into play, and if gravity is slightly voided out, why the heck is the motion law still working at full power. Lying near unconscious after I've slammed through the trunk of a tree, I ponder this because I simply hurt too much to move, but if there is one consolation, the blast seems to have thrown me down a mountain, and clear of the mythical monster.

"you are injured, do not worry, you will heal, would ya kindly eat an apple or something, it will help you regain your strength."

I want to argue, but in my weakened state, food seems to be a godsend, so I flick my wrist and again and again, until and apple appears in my hand. It's gone in 6 bites, and I toss the core. I look at my hand and another apple is there, this one I take a little longer to eat, to savor the taste, I could die tomorrow from… something, and I would like to do it on a full stomach.

Now that I've finished, I do feel a hell of a lot better, like my body is healing itself, faster than I've ever seen or heard of. This place is just too weird. What's next, zombies?

I stumble off, until I reach a plateau, nothing but grass, a cliff stands to the front of me, and a forest to my back, a view of an ocean shows beautifully before me, the sounds of waves crashing and rolling sooth me, brings me back from the brink of wherever the hell the line between sanity and insanity lies. I've accepted that something has happened to me, and that there is not a way to end it right now, so I better go along with it, and hope I get out of it alive.

"Would ya kindly grab your shovel and dig down three squares into the dirt?"

I follow, now used to the oddly fake Irish accent. I flick my wrist until the shovel comes out, it's made of iron, or some other shiny metal. I dig, directly under my feet, but for some reason, I didn't actually dig, I hit the ground with my shovel, don't ask me why, just seemed like the thing to do. And the ground broke, just like the chest earlier. Forcing me to fall into the hole, the perfectly square hole, and again and again until I was three down, and I wait for the voice again.

"Dig out all around you by three in all directions and take out the corners until you are standing in a square."

I do just that, and soon am standing in a square room of dirt. I wonder why the ground hasn't caved, but then I remember the tree standing with no roots and decide again not to question it, I'm getting really good at doing that.

"Would ya kindly place any torches ya have on the wall?"

I do, and I can see much better now.

"Would ya kindly close that hole, use the dirt in your hand."

I flick my wrist until I have a, what seems to be, block of dirt in my hand, and without knowing why, I lift my hand and think _place_. The dirt springs from my hand and covers the hole, effectively masking it as the ground outside.

"You are safe now, nothing can get in. Rest, would you kindly."

I fall to the ground and am half asleep before my head makes contact.

It has been one hell of a day, but, I get the feeling that tomorrow will be better. But before I completely slip into unconsciousness, I hear the Voice in the back of my head.

"No, it will only become harder from here on out."

CHAPTER 2 End.

AN~ I would like to say sorry, my computer has been filled with Viruses for some time, and it corrupted my fan fiction data. I am gonna have to either write this as I go, or try to remember the original plotline I wrote for it. But know this, I will not leave you guys hanging again. I will update at the very least, once a month, and will not stop until it is finished, and I will also be starting my Danny Phantom Fic again, if any would like to read it as well, same thing happened, so I'm going to be playing by ear. Thanks so much to my reviewers, you helped me write this one, and if anyone has any ideas on where this fic should go, please don't hesitate to say, but remember, this is a miner x Monster girls fic, so if any pairing are to go out, you must make it so that it can be atleast half humanoid, and nothing form the girlfriend mod. I started this fic before that came out, and I'm determined not to follow it. Plus, having the character get over the uniqueness of each of his girls will make for some awesome drama.

Monster Encyclopedia

Creepers- a race of centaurs, not much is known to the Miner now except they are half human, half horse and they shoot explosive darts at you if you are in their territory.


End file.
